My DD was going on a "pilgrimage" with a few of her friends. She referred to it as a "Road Trip", but in the past, she had indicated that it was a trip to find and discuss philosophies with like minded individuals...like minded in the Anarchist / Down with Racism and White Privilege / Up with Fair Trade sense....She has quite the list of things she'd change in our society....in a big way.
Anyway, she's in Boston now and has left the "Road Trip". It would appear that being the only young woman in a car full of young men left her feeling a bit ignored / out-voted. Also, it would appear that the "objective" of the trip had changed from all the above to something related to whole food / organic food farming.
She was also tired of some of the sexual advances a few of them made towards her when they were all drinking....I guess reminding them OVER and OVER and OVER that you're not interested gets old.
She may also, to some degree, push or expect them to do what she wants and became a little out of sorts when she was voted down. Being an only child, I can see where voting, consensus, and not being the center of decision could be a problem for her.
She is sad. She said she cried when she told them she was bailing in Boston, where she is now staying with a friend.
I feel badly for her. She sounded a little aggitated too....so, I'm wondering if she's laying off the pot and drink enough to keep her moods from swinging.
I love her and sure do hope she's taking care of herself. All I can do is listen and show empathy (especially around the repeated requests to them to stop trying to initiate sex, and feeling a little out of place in an environment loaded with men). I don't offer much advice...except maybe to ASK about whether this or that MIGHT be a source of the problem...because she's not very willing to listen to advice. Who is? Especially when unsolicited.
She's afraid she's missing out too (on the road adventure). I reminded her that she's only 20, almost 21, and that there is plenty of time for adventure....and wasn't New Orleans going to be an adventure in itself...since it's all new territory...and isn't it sort of fun to not have the strings that a family, mortgage and "senseable" job have.
She agreed, with a "STILL, Mom...I FEEL like I'm missing out."
Honestly, to some degree, I do believe I live somewhat vicariously through her.
When I was her age and just a little older (not too long after she was born and I was living in my car), I so wished I could bag electrical engineering, drive west, move into a commune somewhere in the mid-west and do art, in an environment that was community centric...but my little pragmatic brain KNEW that there was too much I didn't know about that lifestyle. I already had a car payment, and I was afraid.
She mentioned that she didn't understand why she finds herself fleeing from people....I asked her if she was afraid of getting close, if she would become angry when they don't do what she wants or make her world their center. Was fleeing a global reaction to everyone?
she said maybe...maybe to all, but she did believe that she is willing to compromise and hates when people won't discuss something to TRY and reach a compromise....needed to think about it a little more.
I don't know, I would NEVER want to be that age again and need to learn so much all over again (thinking I knew it all, but underneath, was deeply afraid of the world)....
Anyway, I am a little worried about her. I really REALLY believe she's spiralling out of control a little like I did when I went through PTSD and my rape.....but I'm not sure WHAT her trauma is...exactly...my gut is telling me she is really having problems because of all the men in her life....that have left her....that and being an only, over-entitled child of a perfectionist mother....
Anyway, she's in Boston now and has left the "Road Trip". It would appear that being the only young woman in a car full of young men left her feeling a bit ignored / out-voted. Also, it would appear that the "objective" of the trip had changed from all the above to something related to whole food / organic food farming.
She was also tired of some of the sexual advances a few of them made towards her when they were all drinking....I guess reminding them OVER and OVER and OVER that you're not interested gets old.
She may also, to some degree, push or expect them to do what she wants and became a little out of sorts when she was voted down. Being an only child, I can see where voting, consensus, and not being the center of decision could be a problem for her.
She is sad. She said she cried when she told them she was bailing in Boston, where she is now staying with a friend.
I feel badly for her. She sounded a little aggitated too....so, I'm wondering if she's laying off the pot and drink enough to keep her moods from swinging.
I love her and sure do hope she's taking care of herself. All I can do is listen and show empathy (especially around the repeated requests to them to stop trying to initiate sex, and feeling a little out of place in an environment loaded with men). I don't offer much advice...except maybe to ASK about whether this or that MIGHT be a source of the problem...because she's not very willing to listen to advice. Who is? Especially when unsolicited.
She's afraid she's missing out too (on the road adventure). I reminded her that she's only 20, almost 21, and that there is plenty of time for adventure....and wasn't New Orleans going to be an adventure in itself...since it's all new territory...and isn't it sort of fun to not have the strings that a family, mortgage and "senseable" job have.
She agreed, with a "STILL, Mom...I FEEL like I'm missing out."
Honestly, to some degree, I do believe I live somewhat vicariously through her.
When I was her age and just a little older (not too long after she was born and I was living in my car), I so wished I could bag electrical engineering, drive west, move into a commune somewhere in the mid-west and do art, in an environment that was community centric...but my little pragmatic brain KNEW that there was too much I didn't know about that lifestyle. I already had a car payment, and I was afraid.
She mentioned that she didn't understand why she finds herself fleeing from people....I asked her if she was afraid of getting close, if she would become angry when they don't do what she wants or make her world their center. Was fleeing a global reaction to everyone?
she said maybe...maybe to all, but she did believe that she is willing to compromise and hates when people won't discuss something to TRY and reach a compromise....needed to think about it a little more.
I don't know, I would NEVER want to be that age again and need to learn so much all over again (thinking I knew it all, but underneath, was deeply afraid of the world)....
Anyway, I am a little worried about her. I really REALLY believe she's spiralling out of control a little like I did when I went through PTSD and my rape.....but I'm not sure WHAT her trauma is...exactly...my gut is telling me she is really having problems because of all the men in her life....that have left her....that and being an only, over-entitled child of a perfectionist mother....
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